Constant Feeling
I hate explaining to others this constant feeling of being alone. I am not afraid of being alone anymore. It used to be my worst fear as a child, but I know now what I have always known. God is always with me and I should never fear of being alone. I practically live every day alone. I reduced my friendships and I am very far away from my family. This is not the crux of being alone, but it is the lose of a partner which creates a constant feeling of being alone without someone by my side.
Often, when I open up to others they say the following:
- Be patient. Your time will come.
- There is plenty of fish in the sea.
- Do more things for yourself!
- Love yourself
and the worst of all
5. It will happen when you least expect it
All these things I know and I despise talks about doing things for myself and loving myself. I literally live and love for myself everyday and I am used to it to the point where I know I can do things without anyone. I know my worth does not come from a man or frankly the compliments of any male. Praise, gifts, and dates mean nothing if not backed by kindness, faith, and empathy. The constant feeling of being alone is knowing that I do not have “that person” to share my little moments with or to be intimate with and happy. To grow stronger in faith and with each other. I would like to have a support that is not my parents or friends on the days where I cannot do everything by myself.
I am so used to being alone that its so hard to explain to people its not anyone that I am just looking for. It’s not a relationship. It’s not a partner. It’s not a person. What I truly want is love that is my own a love story with someone who actually cared enough to stay, to grow, and to change with me. A life partner. Sometimes this is hard and waiting is arduous, but I know one thing.
It is better to be alone and waiting than to be married to the wrong person.
